Lessons I have learned with age~

FIND YOURSELF : I see many dirty 30 parties in the newsfeed and think wow, I remember 30 and saying goodbye to my youth and somehow I survived my 20’s and I had to do it with three little girls and I was ready to tackle life with wisdom. Oh was I wrong, although I had endured more than most & always older than my years I had no idea this would lead me to revert and rebell as an adult.. I was in such a hurry to be a grown up, I missed out on adolescents and was suddenly realizing all I had missed out on and wanted to experience it all now, and I mean right this minute. Let me tell you that is exactly what did for a few years. I had become resentful of growing up to fast and I can’t really explain what triggered this feeling. Perhaps that I had my children to young. The 1st just 17 years old, and now I was raising nearly a 15 year old who was beyond rebellious that I thought being her friend would make life easier for everyone. Along with little girls who were nearly 12 and a 10 year old who were also needing my attention, and being thrown to the waistside for this much cooler mom I had become to please my oldest daughter.. it begun to hit me when I was doing the hair and make up of my daughter & a group of her friends for a junior prom they were invited too, and the prom party they had at our place after, that I was the only girl to have to be home by 10:30 on prom in a Goodwill dress I had fixed and repaired myself because I was already living on my own & couldn’t afford one had I not worked at Goodwill & had it taken out of my check because I no longer mattered. But this little human I gave life too did. When everyone else told me to choose another alternative I chose to be an adult & chose her over myself or my dreams & she needed me home and the breast milk on my dress was a definite reminder. Thinking about all I had missed through each strand of hair I curled on her and friends, the sadness I felt inside when I took her to buy her prom dress knowing I never had that moment and angry she took it for granted that she did. So I decided I was going to live for myself because I was always living for someone else. It wasn’t for a few years that I began to realize this isn’t fun, this is what I thought I missing. I had hit many roadblocks or stepping stones in my quest to find myself or what I thought I lost as a teen in my 30’s. Smoked pot for the 1st time, got my 1st tattoo and piercing, got a boob job & behaved like a 21 year old experiencing life for the 1st time. Made some awful decisions in my 30’s well I thought they were or should I say the people who Judge me thought they were, but in fact I realized I had went through some milestones & growing pains. These milestones had led me to the much wiser, grounded 45 year old empowered woman that I am today. Now remember my 30 something self thought I missed out on so many things & couldn’t see that I had been given more blessings and opportunities than all the people that had, had I not reached this revelation or went through this journey of discovering myself. Most of them were still in the same town, doing the same things with same people with very little substance to their lives. I always had a larger than life personality so that lifestyle didn’t entice me. I had to do things the hard way and travel the long road to do it. When you start taking full responsibility for your actions the effects don’t come overnight and unfortunately even when they do some people never let you forget. But do the work on yourself the benefits will follow even if your circle gets smaller. Emphasize your strengths not shortcomings, success comes from failure.

CLOSE THE DOOR & OPEN A NEW ONE: Lessons are not easily learned. To really take something of value from your mistakes it’s gonna hurt. Walk away from negativity & people who only want to bring you pain, even if it’s family..this one was the hardest lesson for me because I was holding on with a death grip hoping for a change that was causing me nothing but disappointment and grief, which was also preventing me from growth, change, and forgiveness. It’s ok to love from a distance if it brings you peace. Accepting & loving others doesn’t mean you have to embrace their presence~ you must love yourself enough to know that walking away is better than holding onto someone who brings you nothing but sorrow. Remember the saying “if they’re not for you, they’re against you.” I express how hard of lesson this is to learn & hope very few of you have to learn it. Loyalty is very valuable & you deserve it. If you have to be in fear of the knife in your back you must remove them from your life. Loyalty is based on devotion and faithfulness & the stability in any relationship, without it there is no relationship at all. If they are not supportive of you, if they don’t accept your past, support your present, love you or encourage your future~ CLOSE THE DOOR. Respect is earned, honesty is appreciated,trust is gained, loyalty is returned. I struggled to learn blood makes you make you family because of shared DNA but uncompromised loyalty makes you family so heal the brokenness and move forward.

LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES: You only fail when you stop trying- you can be discouraged by your mistakes or you can learn from them. It’s a part of life to make them, in fact make many of them..as many as you can because through it all you will find your true self, discover what your made of, know what not to do again. You cannot learn from perfection. Its ok to fail. You will find your true character in how you endured it & challenged yourself, just remember to ask yourself what did I just learn from this utterly ridiculous move. Its not about the mistake you made, its the way you handled it. Its an opportunity for growth and change.

LEARNING NOT TO GIVE A SHIT: My favorite lesson of all,
oh it’s a big one for me & it took me the longest . The less you give a damn about what others think or how they see you the happier you will be. The greatest Journey yet the hardest for me was overcoming insecurities or other people’s opinion of me and learn my happiness needs to come first. It took me way too long to master this and I am still in working progress on it daily. Now I’m to the point they can think what you want now, believe what they want, its your energy. I don’t give a Damn about what you think, if it’s not positive or building me up to make me a better person I cannot wear myself out trying to please or impress everyone. I love people always have and want to be liked by everyone I meet. I have learned it’s not possible. Not everyone is going to like you no matter how hard you try, especially when they don’t like themselves. Haters are going to hate, because they’re just full of that “hate”. I don’t care what you say or do, when you had a childhood like mine you take the punches and get back up and I take all those conflicts and learn from them. The people who have spent so much time trying to tear me down have actually built me up without realizing it. I don’t take shit from anyone because I know my worth, every man woman and child needs to know that they deserve nothing but the best in life. I finally mastered that belief system.

LIFE IS TO SHORT: when you focus on hardships and problems, hardships and problems is all that you’ll have. Sometimes you must die to be reborn again and everyone has a past; bury it. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Life is too short to hide your feelings. If you have unresolved issues with someone confront it and come to peace with it. Either write a letter with no return address or boldly come face to face, say what you mean and mean what you say but just say it, you never know when that chance will pass you up. Forgive and ask for forgiveness, be humble not stubborn remember pride came before the fall. Don’t wait until you’re placing flowers on a headstone to say you’re sorry. Love the people who treat you right and pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short for long-term grudges. Take chances and take a lot of them. Be crazy. Don’t live a life of I wish I had done this or I wish I had done that. Just do it, you live once you’ll be glad that you did no matter how it turns out because you won’t have that dark cloud hanging over your head of “what if “, love hard and forgive easily.

SET GOALS: Set goals out of your reach so you will always have something to reach for, achieve them than repeat. Dream big the stars are the limit. Make plans. Work hard. Think deep and outside the box ..what is normal anyway? It’ss your story you’re the author don’t let someone else dictate your dreams or tell you you cannot do it. Pray and prove them wrong. If it were easy don’t you think everybody would be doing it? Pace yourself, challenge yourself, and hit the ground running. You get one shot at this thing called life take action there are no do overs.

Live life and live it to the fullest.

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7 thoughts on “Lessons I have learned with age~”

  1. I didnt have the best childhood by any means, we didnt grow up with money and all the coolest gadgets and many of our clothes even Christmas came from the goodwill. I admit it sucked growing up but the lesson it taught was so much more valuable then anything I could have physically received. I’ve learned to appreciate what i do have. I’ve never went a day without being thankful for what we have that God has provided! I try to have talks with my kids about things people dont have and hope that they will appreciate more. My oldest knows very well what it is like to go without. My other girls have had it easier but my middle girl has helped in situations where she would see what it’s like. My 8 year old kinda gets it. She will pray for some of the homeless and ask if we can stop and help some of them. At some point we will be alot more hands on but I see her mind going. She is empathetic and I love that. I think this world needs alot more empathy! You’ve came a long way and in happy to learn more about you! You have some great tips!

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  2. I agree with what your saying about trying to better yourself and about people failing..Everyone fails, it’s part of growing. If someone never tries then what kind of living is that..I know I have failed at many things in my life. The one thing that I feel I failed at the most is being a mother..Babies do not come with a hand book or instruction manual. You do the best you can and do what you think is right for that moment. I pray everyday for my kids, but I also look back and see how I could have done things differently and handled situations differently. What I hate about it is people that judge because of the mistakes they have made. You pay your price whatever that may be, but will never live down the “death sentence” that others give you. Setting goals is a must. Otherwise you are just living in the moment. I’ve learned in my 45 years that I can never stop learning from others, no matter the age..From my grandbabies words of encouragment to the wisdom of my residents. Ive also learned to love every chance you get, because you may not get a tomorrow to take back anything that was said in anger and most importantly keep GOD in the center of your life and everything else will fall into place.

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    1. I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be…perfect moms don’t exist anymore than perfect kids. But kids don’t need that,they need to see someone who fails and continues trying during the hard times and laughs during the good, someone who holds them up when the world keeps knocking them down. Each mom faces different challenges with their kids,its not about being the best ,its about doing your best. You did not fail,you accepted & loved your children no matter what they did or didn’t do. Took punches for them and from them. That makes you a successful mom,its about not giving up.Their mistakes don’t define you as a mom nor person no more than ours do God,He is still an amazing Father…its really what you do after the mistakes are made and how react. Pat yourself on the back, you still stand tall,hold your head high & continue to be a positive role model for your kids…You loved unconditionally even in times they didn’t appreciate or deserve it. Your love never fail short when it was the only love and support they had…that’s the blueprint of a Perfect mom. Xoxoxoxo Your are beautiful,keep shining:-)

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