My Relationship with Fibromyalgia

This is “literally” a painful topic for me to write about, especially being labeled a hypochondriac by uneducated hateful and healthy people. I have lived with this monster nearly 20 years, longer than any relationship I have ever had, besides my 28 years as a mother and it’s unbelievable to even type that knowing it has stole nearly half of my life. Not one day since officially & on record diagnosed since May of 2001 have I known a day without pain. Even through my early teens I suffered with the early signs so I don’t really know what life is like or remember what it was before it. Understanding fibromyalgia; a name given in 1976 a Latin word “fibro” (fibrosis) & Greek term “myo” (muscle) & “algia”( pain). In 1990 the American College of Rheumatology established guidelines for diagnosing Fibromyalgia. Understanding Fibromyalgia is difficult especially if you do not have extensive medical knowledge. It is a very complex medical condition that involves every part of your body including your brain and nervous system. Most of the smyptoms associated with fibromyalgia come and go, usually coming back more intense. All fibromyaglia sufferers agree the pain never subsides. Having fibromyalgia is comparable to having the flu every day of your life. You would think that if someone was experiencing that level of pain and discomfort there would be a clear defined visible and obvious reason and that pain should not jump from place to place. Why is just a light touch to the body hurt equally as bad as someone landing you a left hook? Why does your skin feel like you have been sitting in a furnace? I can say with confidence, no matter how hard one tries to understand it as a non sufferer you will not, as sufferers we still do not.

It is very confusing. Combined with the slough of negative medical test, with my opinion patients being emotionally abused by the medical industry through the years, telling them it was all in their head, this leading to mulitiple suicides. I, just like many other sufferers considered this as my only option to relieve the pain and along with how we are treated. However, in the last few years a host of scientific evidence and research studies have revealed this is a very real condition that plagues thousands of sufferers.

Imagine that you were planning a bridal shower and was expecting only 20 guest, 3 of your friends said not to worry that they would come early to help, but they never fulfilled their promise. Now instead of 20 a 100 guest have showed up and you now are overwhelmed. This is what is happening with our pain signals. Our pain cells send to many pain messages “guests” up to 5x the amount of a normal healthy person, causing even the simplest of things like mild pressure, headaches, and itches to into extreme pain. When these unwanted guest send pain signals to our brain they are processed by a little thing called serotonin. Sadly it is something we do not have or produce, you know like the friends that did not show up like they promised. This explains why we have pain in tissues and organs that show no signs of damage. It is not in our heads or something imagined, it is misinterpreted sensations from poor communication between our pain receptors and our brain that signal we are in extreme pain for which we feel. Our brains are actually lying to us, however we are not lying to others. These unwanted guests amplify a host of other signals or triggers turning up the volume to 60. Everything in our brain detects light, noise, odor and our pain. This leads to sensory overload causing anxiety, fear, and panic attacks. Most people with chronic illness like fibromyalgia are sick the majority of the time. It is hard for people to see why we can not make our lunch date on Monday, but Wednesday we are hiking 5 miles. Often this is why people have said “she is not sick, she is just lying to get attention.” Not sure who would want to be in pain for negative attention.

When we get stressed, our symptoms get worse. Imagine your worst day ever and all you want to do is go to sleep but your awaken by your husband snoring loudly all night and the neighbors dog barking. In the following morning your are so desprately tired, rushing around the house trying to get the kids off to school and on your way to work you realize you left your wallet and have to turn back, but now more problems are on their way. You hit a traffic jam making you 20 minutes behind, so you try to speed up and suddenly a dog runs out in front of you and you have to swerve to avoid a car accident spilling your hot coffee all over your lap. That is just the start of your day. You still need to  grocery shop, cook dinner, clean up, do the laundry, help the kids with homework, take the dog out, pick out the clothes for the next day, pack lunches, answer emails, the door, the phone, get the kids to bed, only to finally hit the bed to your snoring husband & alarm that already reads 2 am and set to go off in 4 hours all while your dealing with the pain of the restless leg, painful periods, memory loss, muscle twitches, itching, burning of your skin, migraines, jaw pain, bladder, kidney pain, back and neck pain, severe chest pains, shooting, burning, throbbing, aching, stabbing, stiffness, food allergies, wheezing, nausea, acid reflux. All while being exhausted in a fibro fog on repeat and in slow motion while under the microscope of denial from people who call you a lazy liar that will never experience any of your pain. Could you do it? Fibro sufferers were never asked this question, we literally woke up one day to this complexed condition. After years of being a Guinea pig to the medical community, multiple tests, treatments, along with trial and error medications. I decided 2 years ago to go completely natural after an Emergency room visit nearly dying from fentanyl patches as my doctor of 17 years had me over medicated on lethal combinations of drugs.

“The perfect storm” I was just doing what I was told in hope’s of relief & a “normal life” all the while destroying organs to the side effects & most definitely not experiencing a normal life. So I thought what the hell do I have to lose, I tossed the meds in the trash, fired my doctor and said I can do this, I’m in pain with the medication & Doctors anyway so let’s try it without either of them. Well I have never even smoked a cigarette but had been prescribed some pretty strong pain medication and nerve blockers. I heard all the horror stories about the withdrawals and how I would probably need help to stop taking them… Well you become pretty strong when you’re a chronic pain sufferer, they were wrong. I prayed day and night as I would sweat and  shake  and yes ,even crying out to God 5 days straight but I did it and never looked back. I faced Fibromyalgia right in the eyes and said “You will not kill me Satan”. While fibromyalgia itself doesn’t kill you the medication takes its toll on your body and mind with absolutely zero benefits. It’s no more than a bandaid on an opened wound that needs air to heal. I was no longer going to be a prisoner to the 4 walls of my little world, I was no longer going to be lied to by this monster. I gave up meat, gluten, processed foods, started walking everyday at a minimum 5 miles, yoga everyday for 30 minutes, meditation, journaling, alot of praying, went back to school finished my degree, shortly after opened not one Business but 3, went back to work, traveled the world, sky dived, swam with dolphins, hiked the highest mountains, and swam in 3 oceans. While my lifestyle changed it didn’t cure me as there is no cure, or Morgan Freeman or Lady Gaga would have bought it , you see fibromyalgia does not discriminate against color, gender, fame, or large bank accounts. However, It did equip me with the tools I needed to face the devil in my second half of my life. Fibromyalgia much like him coming to kill, steal, and destroy. I took charge of my life instead of allowing fibromyalgia to do so and said “Get behind me devil”. Yes I am still in pain everyday but I am living, truly “living” through my pain. Don’t get discouraged you are a warrior God chooses the strongest to fight battles we will never understand, but we are instrumental in the fight for a cure. If there were not sufferers there would not be breakthroughs. So for now we must endure. For me I’ll do anything for my girls and grandchildren if it means mama & nana must go through in Hope’s that they do not experience it all their lives as I have, 2 out 3 of them are showing signs in their early 20’s just as I did, so than here I am devil… I wrote this with much tears & saddness thinking of the loneliness I know this condition brings, and that someone out there feels all alone or that they are different or branded in someway or being punished for something they didn’t deserve. Remember the devil is a liar and so is Fibromyalgia you are not alone & on the days that you feel you are I  follow groups where I have formed friendships that will last a lifetime, reach out to them sadly you are not the only one suffering with this monster & there are fibro brothers and sisters willing to talk you through the pain & even cry with you.. I will link below the group’s I personally follow and also here for anyone who needs me, feel free to message me. Don’t give up, you are beautiful, strong and a warrior! GENTLE HUGS.

P.s. I kept the snoring husband, I just invested in some really good ear plugs 🤣 Fibromyalgia solutions and support, Mothers with fibromyalgia, Living with Fibromyalgia and hundreds more 😉

Feel free to share your fibromyalgia stories or tips Gentle Hugs
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How to be more Persuasive 101

For starters ask for help, if you need a favor or advice try something like this , ” I could really use your help” Some people don’t want the pressure of not helping someone who wasn’t willing to ask clearly, preferring the positive feeling that comes from helping out. AIM HIGH~ To get what you asked for ,start out by creating an unreasonably big request that will likely get turned down anyway, than continue with your original or more reasonable request or offer …you will walk away feeling like you reached a fair compromise. I do this alot in the fashion world, especially a sample, flawed or discontinued items but this also works well in Real Estate Investments. BE THE LESSER OF 2 EVILS ~ try to always present a request or offer as a choice not Force. ” “Would you be willing to discount this 20 percent or mark it down by 10.oo due to the snag?” Requires them to really think about both options and by denying your request they could lose a sell ,but by choosing one they have room on the sales floor and didn’t have a flawed item in the store and you walked away with a bargain. BE FIRM~ People are likely to be more confident and sure if you don’t use words like ” I think, or I believe that this dress will never sell or house might still be here in 6 mos if you don’t take my offer ,instead speak up with courage and confidence by saying ” I know ” or ” I will” MIRROR THE Other PERSON ~If you want someone to follow your lead ,accept your offer you must emulate or mirror their body language to subconsciously signal alignment or agreement. NOD As You Engage or Speak~ Most people respond to subtle mimicking and nodding & eye contact signal their thoughts and brains that you have already reached an understanding and agreement.

Goals for 2019 for any woman despite time or her bank account…

  1. Money Management.💸💰
  2. Declutter your home.🏠
  3. Drink more water.💧💧
  4. Take a dance class.💃
  5. Take a weekend to yourself.💆
  6. Reconnect with an old friend.👯
  7. Attend a fashion show.👠👗
  8. Invest in an adorable handbag.👜
  9. Volunteer for a good cause.⛑️
  10. Send 10 handwritten letters, no emails or texts.💌💌
  11. Attend an outdoor music festival.🎶🎶
  12. Host a dinner party.🍽️
  13. Take a road trip.🚘
  14. Improve posture, stand tall.💪
  15. Wine test.🍷🥂
  16. Take skin care seriously.💅
  17. Take up yoga, meditation, or walking 3 days a week for 30 mins. 🚶‍♀️
  18. Dance in the rain.💃🌧️
  19. Start a journal.📒
  20. 10 acts of random kindness ( buy a stranger’s coffee).🙂

Money Mistakes I Made ~

1.NOT COMPLETING AN EMERGENCY FUND~ I neglected my short term savings. Over 50% of people have less than a $1000 in their bank accounts while most have no savings at all, but nearly 90% do not have an emergency fund and don’t have a safety net. Which is putting the rest of their finances at risk- the aim should be at minimum 3 months totaling all of your household expenses, ideally 6 months for additional protection. By not doing so you will find you resort to using credit cards, or borrowing money you don’t have the ability to pay back should you lose your job, become sick, or encounter a huge bill you didn’t count on such as a transmission, roof or outrageous medical bill not covered by Insurance. PROTECT YOURSELF & SAVE

2. AVOIDING STOCKS~ Saving money is a great start, but if your not investing that money in the right places you’re spinning you’re wheels. Majority of households are investing too conservatively & are at risk down the road. I had been avoiding stocks in my portfolio and needed to change my strategy~ Yes bonds are more stable for Investing than Stocks, typically they will provide you with a much lower return overtime. Change your investing style by making it a priority to invest. First on every payday set aside a designated amount and make sure that it gets done before any bills or anything else gets paid there are many apps and platforms that are user-friendly for beginners and explain step by step how to do it, I use Acorn, Stash and Robinhood.

3. RACKING UP MORE CREDIT CARDS~ Big no-no for sure. They are nothing more than a liability not an asset & wreak havoc on your finances and bring unwanted stress, like we need anymore of that in our lives; Yet in 2018 credit card debt reached an all time high. I myself accumulated more than I am proud. If you want to come out of it, DON’T CHARGE. I fell into the trap like many people do of the more I accumulated the higher the credit score. Credit card companies want you to believe this but in fact it lowers your score with carrying a balance indefinitely and cost you an unbelievable amount of interest charges, so when the time comes that you want to borrow big amount for a mortgage, business, or an investment you will be less likely to be approved.

3. BUYING TO MUCH OF A HOUSE,LIVING BEYOND ACTUAL NEEDS~ Nearly 50 percent of American’s can’t afford the home they live in because their trying to keep up with the Jones’. While its nice to have a beautiful home everyone envies is it really worth the struggle to just go impress people that don’t help you pay for it? Or do without actual needs, wants, or prevent you from your dream vacation to seriously just show you can have the nicest house on the block? Now think long and hard before you answer or buy a home you have to struggle to pay for & maintain. It won’t be enjoyable & will likely bring you more hardship than happiness. Think about what you truly need not want. Here is something to think about~ our ancestors raised large families in one-room homes. They brought their families up productively, by no means am I suggesting that, obviously you’d survive. But the tiny house movement has become a hot commodity for Financial Freedom for many and for good reason, it provides your basic needs. As a general rule your housing cost total with taxes and insurance included should never exceed more than 30% of your family’s take-home pay if you take too much of a house you put yourself in the position of high maintenance expenses on bills and repairs. Downsize & resist the urge to live beyond your means a mansion is a want not a need.

4. NOT CONTRIBUTING TO A RETIREMENT PLAN~ We have all heard how important it is to save for retirement but we all get too busy with life and think I’m too young to think about it I’m only 25 than wake up one day and realize 20 years has gone by and you have not thought about it nor have you saved, so many are without an employer-sponsored plan and you’re out here and it’s sink-or-swim. You must invest in your Golden Year’s while your young enough to contribute to them. 

I personally never missed or have been late on payments, in fact I’d sell a kidney to avoid it or starve to death. It’s just something I pride myself in. I’ve always been this way, however I also believed if you couldn’t buy cash than I didn’t need it at all. I was overwhelmed and frustrated when I opened my 1st business. I went to open the business account and wanted a start up loan while holding collateral in my hand. That’s when I was told I needed to basically have debt before I could. Otherwise did with pride that I had no debt at all, that actually hurt me and not helped me. I had to in fact borrow against my own money and start the credit building process from basically scratch not carrying any of my previous married credit with me. I stood alone with a blank canvas and I am extremely frugal so I hate to spend. But in order to build I had to acrue credit card debt and keep a steady recurring payment history. This was tough on me especially once companies started essentially throwing their cards at me in my previous mention I said I incurred credit card debt, not like most but a running total of over 3,000. Pocket change basically but I still hated seeing outstanding balance. I had no choice but to pay them over a good year to see progress although tempted many times to pay it all off at once I made that mistake on my first attempt on a secure loan thinking that by paying it off early before the year it would look better on me.. WRONG! The 11 months I paid gave me no credibility at all. It hurt me instead of helped me, and also making the fatal mistake of closing the account instead of leaving a credit line open. It’s super important to lower your balances and keep your line of credit open. Find credit cards with no minimum credit score requirements, low interest rates, and no annual fees. Apply for a secured credit card if your building from a blank canvas like I was. Apply for a credit building loan if possible. Get a cosigner. Become an authorized user on someone’s credit card. Make sure that if you are renting that they are reporting your payments. After 6 months of having a line of credit you’ll have a FICO score, but it won’t be the 850 you dream of yet. Make all your payments on time and borrow wisely you should have a score of 700 in no time. Always, always pay on time. Set up automatic drafts if you’re forgetful, pay your balance in full even if you’re just getting your nails done, know your credit score and check your report once a year, monitor your account protect yourself from fraud and keep your information updated. I use credit sesame or credit karma. Don’t get discouraged in the process by looking at the score, watching it like you do a scale when you’re trying to lose weight. Remember it takes hard work but you’ll get there if you don’t give up, and much like a diet it takes three to six months of hard work to see results. Good news is you will make it &the higher the score the better the terms of your access to credit and better rates. Scores affect your car insurance and sometimes even an impact on whether or not a company will hire you.  My old-fashioned way of thinking of hiding your money under the mattress, a jar in the freezer, or keeping it out of the bank so no one knows how much you had no longer works.  Credit is vital and it affects every area of your life. Now that I told you the mistakes I made I will take you in the journey of how I turned it all around. What it has done for my life, bank accounts, and portfolio & what it can do for you too..

 

Want to Learn How to Make Millions Online – Click Here!

Amazing 2019 Opportunity

As a frugal person I am always on the scour for the best bargains, prices, free sign ups and opportunities around every corner. Needless to say I have become very good at this, and for anyone who closely knows me I can find the best deals on just about anything you are looking for. I have been a personal stylist, personal shopper, grocery budgeteer, extreme couponer, surveyor, reveiewer and so much more! Follow along with me as I teach you about some past experiences and lessons on budgeting for the right opportunity so you can cash in and put opputurnity in your pocket!

 

From fine dining, travel, movie tickets, big box stores to online secrets there are so many different ways for you to find windows of opportunity to score your desires for fractions of the costs! Saving you more money means less stress to us women, and that makes the WORLD a better place.

Say your family likes a paticular cheese or cereal right? We all have those in our household they just do not care what the price is that is the item they have to have! Well one day my husband calls me and says, ” Hey, hunnie I really like these…” so being frugal me I decided to look for a coupon online. When I could not find one I went to the manufacturers website and emailed them telling them how much my husband loved their product and that he made sure it was on my grocery list everytime! It gave them a compliment with sense of humor. Needless to say couple days later in the mail was a personal letter from them with some free product coupons, discount coupons and sample coupons to try their other products! I thought wow can’t believe that happened. That weekend my husband and youngest daugher spent the whole weekend in the kitchen up late at night taste testing and emailing all their favorite snack companies!

With the innovations of the internet everything these days is done online, heck you can even grocery shop online and some services even deliver them to your doorstep! They have optins and free sign up with your first deliveries being free or discounts for using their services, because they can supply the cost of goods cheaper! Online grocery clubs have couponing sites, subscription boxes, sample subscription boxes and so much more.

All the free time you have left over from not having to fight traffic and crowds to go to walmart for taco night supplies you can now have family game night followed by some adult maragritas with the hubby!

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Dinner date nights, or large family nights out? Whoa, if your like me first thing that comes to mind is, ” is this really in the budget” or “how much is this gonna cost” ” dollar menu..?”. Well let me tell you this when you have a family like I do (which I know many of you do) the one with the picky eaters, and the husband who can eat breakfast, lunch, dinner and desert all in one setting, ya’ that kind. You have to be creative to your options. Knowing things like which nights kids eat free Golden Corral, or all you can eat pancakes at IHOP, 2 for deals will help you save so much without running the mood of the family. This is an app driven sales funnel of a world these days so I promise you your families favorite friday night eat out spot has mobile app you can sign up on get free appetizers and collect points redeemable for future visits. Some you can even sign up every member of the family for the birthday club and hey thats one free thing on the schedule right!

Social media presence is everything for businesses of any size. The average person spends at minimum of 3 hours on social media a DAY! If your anything like my middle daughter Ariel who is a total foodie, your most likely going to grap a picture of that delicious beautiful grub before you grab your fork! Simply tag into the place your eating with that picture and I promise you they notice and you will be on your way to discounts and better service in no time! Checkin and leave reviews!

Google Reviews are kind of fun, my husband and daughters are very addicted to reviewing everything and everywhere they go like its a competition on who gets more reviews and points. The good thing about it is that it gives back to the community and help others with your honest opionions of local businesses and sometimes they even reward you for it with complimentary discounts!

Clearance racks are my kryptonite! I can spot a shiney red, yellow or orange sign from a mile away like my husband can a 12 point buck in a 12 foot tall corn field while screaming down the highway at 70 mph! I hit the breaks just like he does too, of course we both have to take a closer look right!! Don’t be ashamed at the fact that you bought something on clearance who would know? Best part is that just means you can shop more, invest more or save more. The idea of bargain hunting has been around for centuries, it is in our human nature as part of mentality, to find the best possible deal. Most people throw caution to the wind and let pure impulse take over instead of logic that they can find that at a better price. You might argue the fact that time is money and while I can say I agree with you, you must set yourself up for success where this is opportunity is and I promise it pays ten fold!

I have my regular stores and I know where the racks or isles are with the best possible chance of finding deals are and I can usually hit all of them in my local area in under 2 hours. I have a system that I stick to, if what I am looking for does not fit within that critiria then I move on! Somedays I score big and others I do not, that’s part of the fun.

I will include links to some amazing starter offers and trials, you can start with and go from there.

I will also include a link to my free downloadabe PDF of 10 shopping tips.

Happy Shopping Opportunities.

Designer Diva Days

Well even though I am a frugal person and I truly enjoy finding everything on budget there are somethings that a woman just wants or needs, right? Well every woman knows designer and some of us it plays major on our hearts while others pass it up like nothing. Some can’t afford it and dream of it while others buy it like we buy 2.99 socks. I have tips on helping the inner diva in you & find true designer fashion on a budget and even the big spenders will like this one! Follow along with me . Shoes are my weakness…. let’s shop together. And Goodwill is my hotspot and you will see why 😉

 

Lessons I have learned with age~

FIND YOURSELF : I see many dirty 30 parties in the newsfeed and think wow, I remember 30 and saying goodbye to my youth and somehow I survived my 20’s and I had to do it with three little girls and I was ready to tackle life with wisdom. Oh was I wrong, although I had endured more than most & always older than my years I had no idea this would lead me to revert and rebell as an adult.. I was in such a hurry to be a grown up, I missed out on adolescents and was suddenly realizing all I had missed out on and wanted to experience it all now, and I mean right this minute. Let me tell you that is exactly what did for a few years. I had become resentful of growing up to fast and I can’t really explain what triggered this feeling. Perhaps that I had my children to young. The 1st just 17 years old, and now I was raising nearly a 15 year old who was beyond rebellious that I thought being her friend would make life easier for everyone. Along with little girls who were nearly 12 and a 10 year old who were also needing my attention, and being thrown to the waistside for this much cooler mom I had become to please my oldest daughter.. it begun to hit me when I was doing the hair and make up of my daughter & a group of her friends for a junior prom they were invited too, and the prom party they had at our place after, that I was the only girl to have to be home by 10:30 on prom in a Goodwill dress I had fixed and repaired myself because I was already living on my own & couldn’t afford one had I not worked at Goodwill & had it taken out of my check because I no longer mattered. But this little human I gave life too did. When everyone else told me to choose another alternative I chose to be an adult & chose her over myself or my dreams & she needed me home and the breast milk on my dress was a definite reminder. Thinking about all I had missed through each strand of hair I curled on her and friends, the sadness I felt inside when I took her to buy her prom dress knowing I never had that moment and angry she took it for granted that she did. So I decided I was going to live for myself because I was always living for someone else. It wasn’t for a few years that I began to realize this isn’t fun, this is what I thought I missing. I had hit many roadblocks or stepping stones in my quest to find myself or what I thought I lost as a teen in my 30’s. Smoked pot for the 1st time, got my 1st tattoo and piercing, got a boob job & behaved like a 21 year old experiencing life for the 1st time. Made some awful decisions in my 30’s well I thought they were or should I say the people who Judge me thought they were, but in fact I realized I had went through some milestones & growing pains. These milestones had led me to the much wiser, grounded 45 year old empowered woman that I am today. Now remember my 30 something self thought I missed out on so many things & couldn’t see that I had been given more blessings and opportunities than all the people that had, had I not reached this revelation or went through this journey of discovering myself. Most of them were still in the same town, doing the same things with same people with very little substance to their lives. I always had a larger than life personality so that lifestyle didn’t entice me. I had to do things the hard way and travel the long road to do it. When you start taking full responsibility for your actions the effects don’t come overnight and unfortunately even when they do some people never let you forget. But do the work on yourself the benefits will follow even if your circle gets smaller. Emphasize your strengths not shortcomings, success comes from failure.

CLOSE THE DOOR & OPEN A NEW ONE: Lessons are not easily learned. To really take something of value from your mistakes it’s gonna hurt. Walk away from negativity & people who only want to bring you pain, even if it’s family..this one was the hardest lesson for me because I was holding on with a death grip hoping for a change that was causing me nothing but disappointment and grief, which was also preventing me from growth, change, and forgiveness. It’s ok to love from a distance if it brings you peace. Accepting & loving others doesn’t mean you have to embrace their presence~ you must love yourself enough to know that walking away is better than holding onto someone who brings you nothing but sorrow. Remember the saying “if they’re not for you, they’re against you.” I express how hard of lesson this is to learn & hope very few of you have to learn it. Loyalty is very valuable & you deserve it. If you have to be in fear of the knife in your back you must remove them from your life. Loyalty is based on devotion and faithfulness & the stability in any relationship, without it there is no relationship at all. If they are not supportive of you, if they don’t accept your past, support your present, love you or encourage your future~ CLOSE THE DOOR. Respect is earned, honesty is appreciated,trust is gained, loyalty is returned. I struggled to learn blood makes you make you family because of shared DNA but uncompromised loyalty makes you family so heal the brokenness and move forward.

LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES: You only fail when you stop trying- you can be discouraged by your mistakes or you can learn from them. It’s a part of life to make them, in fact make many of them..as many as you can because through it all you will find your true self, discover what your made of, know what not to do again. You cannot learn from perfection. Its ok to fail. You will find your true character in how you endured it & challenged yourself, just remember to ask yourself what did I just learn from this utterly ridiculous move. Its not about the mistake you made, its the way you handled it. Its an opportunity for growth and change.

LEARNING NOT TO GIVE A SHIT: My favorite lesson of all,
oh it’s a big one for me & it took me the longest . The less you give a damn about what others think or how they see you the happier you will be. The greatest Journey yet the hardest for me was overcoming insecurities or other people’s opinion of me and learn my happiness needs to come first. It took me way too long to master this and I am still in working progress on it daily. Now I’m to the point they can think what you want now, believe what they want, its your energy. I don’t give a Damn about what you think, if it’s not positive or building me up to make me a better person I cannot wear myself out trying to please or impress everyone. I love people always have and want to be liked by everyone I meet. I have learned it’s not possible. Not everyone is going to like you no matter how hard you try, especially when they don’t like themselves. Haters are going to hate, because they’re just full of that “hate”. I don’t care what you say or do, when you had a childhood like mine you take the punches and get back up and I take all those conflicts and learn from them. The people who have spent so much time trying to tear me down have actually built me up without realizing it. I don’t take shit from anyone because I know my worth, every man woman and child needs to know that they deserve nothing but the best in life. I finally mastered that belief system.

LIFE IS TO SHORT: when you focus on hardships and problems, hardships and problems is all that you’ll have. Sometimes you must die to be reborn again and everyone has a past; bury it. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Life is too short to hide your feelings. If you have unresolved issues with someone confront it and come to peace with it. Either write a letter with no return address or boldly come face to face, say what you mean and mean what you say but just say it, you never know when that chance will pass you up. Forgive and ask for forgiveness, be humble not stubborn remember pride came before the fall. Don’t wait until you’re placing flowers on a headstone to say you’re sorry. Love the people who treat you right and pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short for long-term grudges. Take chances and take a lot of them. Be crazy. Don’t live a life of I wish I had done this or I wish I had done that. Just do it, you live once you’ll be glad that you did no matter how it turns out because you won’t have that dark cloud hanging over your head of “what if “, love hard and forgive easily.

SET GOALS: Set goals out of your reach so you will always have something to reach for, achieve them than repeat. Dream big the stars are the limit. Make plans. Work hard. Think deep and outside the box ..what is normal anyway? It’ss your story you’re the author don’t let someone else dictate your dreams or tell you you cannot do it. Pray and prove them wrong. If it were easy don’t you think everybody would be doing it? Pace yourself, challenge yourself, and hit the ground running. You get one shot at this thing called life take action there are no do overs.

Live life and live it to the fullest.

Confidence

Being beautiful has very little to do with your looks regardless of what Cosmo, the Kardashian’s or society emphasizes.  It’s how you are as a person and how you make others feel about themselves. True beauty is reflected within your soul.  Your inner beauty never needs make up or the latest fashion trends.  Most women lack confidence and I’ll tell you why!  Other women tearing them down, something I have dealt with all my life. Simply because I took a great amount of pride in how I dressed & carried myself. I loved getting fixed up just to go to Wal-Mart or for no reason at all. I have always loved wearing pretty things, more bling the better is my motto. I have encountered so many mean girls “Look at her who does she think she is?” “she is trying to hard.”  “Omg its dinner, not a ball Jen.” “She is screaming look at me in that dress, she is such an attention whore.” “Seriously who is she trying to impress?” “Does she own anything besides stilettos? Looks like she just got off the pole.” “Look at her hair and boobs she is so fake.”

Always whispering, talking, or posting negative comments about me.  Creating actual hater groups and so  often I thought why are they being so mean to me? So harsh because I enjoy being a woman? Why do they hate me for simply wanting to be me? Why did they care what I wore? After all they didn’t have to buy it or wear it. 

How could I not let this effect me personally when it was personal attacks on me as person? Was I trying to hard? Should I just toss my hair in bun,put on some yoga pants, skip the make up and flashy jewelry?  Should I just go to the store in my pajamas? I see it more often than not. I started to question myself until I reached a revelation.  Lack of confidence..They are scared to do what I do despite many of them truly wanting to secretly, because of predetermined fear; fear of judgement! Wipe those thoughts from your mind ladies, especially your haters!  No one is stopping you but YOU!!!!! You get one chance to leave your mark on everyone, the world! One chance to leave your lasting impression. Ever heard someone say “wish I could dress like that?” “I use to dress like that when I was younger..” or maybe even you’ve said it as you flip through vogue or scrolling the newsfeed while waiting to get your normal basic hair cut or same old color. Afraid to chance or walk toward the edge and stand in your own expression with confidence! Majority of the time when a woman is talking down about another or pointing out her flaws, she envies her qualities and becomes resentful. Aristotle defined envy as pain of anothers good fortune, stirred by “those who have what we ought to have” …  Envy is one the most potent causes of unhappiness and keeps you bound, causing you to inflict emotional abuse & pain on others. Instead of using it negatively, use it as driving force or a motivational tool to bring positive changes within yourself internally and externally.  Don’t covet another’s life. Aspire to live the life that was given to you & no one else. Look, each and everyone of you are perfectly beautiful and unique to this world shine brightly and leave a wonderful impression especially on yourself. These confidence building steps and hacks will surely give you your confidence back! Stick to it and journal your journey! Comment about it below and let your beauty shine ladies.

Have Fun- Have fun in life, you only get this day once there will never be another. Once this life is over when you die, it is gone. No do overs or second chances so lighten up you don’t have to rush around for other people, or worry about their opinions or thoughts. Be you and find the fun in everything. Make work fun, driving home fun, chores with the kids fun. All these tips can be fun. You want to have more confidence your gonna have to have some fun. Actually “live” not just exist from day to day, going through the motions.

Smile on purpose- Smiling is the single best thing you can do in your life! Smiling makes you feel good on the inside. Challenge yourself to smile whenever you see someone face to face no matter your mood or how you feel. Set a timer on your smart watch or phone to go off every 30 minutes and you smile, even if your by yourself. Trust me this works amazing. 

Wake up early- Waking up early may be tough, but it is the easiest and cheapest way to establish confidence in your life. For many reasons; you have better use of your time because you wake up earlier. You will get more accompolished or achieve more and that makes you feel confident when you get more done. Less pressure to rush around and stress yourself out to be going 100 mph all day. You can take charge of your day, instead of reacting to events in your day, you determine what happens! Control equals confindence.

Clean your closet- Cleaning out your closet can be a physically, emotionally, and spiritually rewarding experience. I know even to me it is daugnhting and it’s like hearing the screeching sound of  horror music everytime the closet door opens. Yet I always find I already own so many amazing things that are hidden and it becomes a day of shopping in my own space, but  cluttered in a way that does not benefit me nor my wardrobe. So put on your playlist, grab some wine, invite a friend and enjoy going through your closet, making new outfits, getting rid of old stuff, re-organizing, etc. I promise you by the end of the weekend you will have the best week full of stellar new outfit creations, have donated some to charity, and maybe even made some profit on a few items. Plus you will have a celebrity looking closet with the up most satisfiying feeling when you open it every morning.

Let Go- Let go of all the stuff you have been packing around with you over the years. All the drama, problems, worry, and stress that piles up day after day. Look at it this way, if you had to physically carry that stuff with you like suit cases or bags into an airport would you even make it to the ticket counter before you were exhausted? How many carts would you need? How many trips? How much would your baggage fees cost you? How many looks would you get? See where I am going with this ladies? Get rid of it. How can you stand up straight and walk tall with confidence and sure direction when you have all these bags and suitcases hanging off you and tripping you up? Let it go. It has no value and does not determine who you are as a woman. 

Posture- “Sit up straight” you probably heard your mother say this when you were a child. Well she was right. Creating good posture habits is not only good for skeletal and muscular health and longevity, it also releases endorphenes in the brain that help produce positve hormones that make you happy. Happiness leads to confidence. So everytime you catch yourself walking or sitting with bad posture correct it and focus on it for 5 to 10 seconds before continuing what you were doing. Before you know it you will have developed a better posture and confidence habit.

Do something just for you- Do something, anything and do it for no other reason than just for yourself. The idea that we have as women is we are not worthy of treating ourselves or we do not deserve it, most women think they are too busy to do something for themselves. Nonesense, you can make 30 minutes in your schedule to stop and enjoy your favorite beverage in the park, go to get a pedicure or sing your favorite song in the car as you drive. Hey go window shopping on your way home. Whatever it is, do it randomly and just enjoy it. 

Be spontaneous- Spin off of the previous tip, be spontaneous! Do something you normally would not do, or have not done in a very long time! The normal chaotic routines that render us women as robotic super bitches does exactly that! So break up that monotony and steer your own path whether it be for 10 minutes of punch dancing to footloose, or twerking in the kitchen while mopping. Take a different way home from work, shop at a different grocery store, go to a different nail salon, or go to a different post office. While you may see it as a stresser, once completed you will be satisfied from the sense of overcoming challenge and discovery. Plus you never know you might meet someone new; future boyfriend, business partner, or something may happen that would never have happened if you were stuck in your normal routine.

Most importantly be you, there is only one in the whole world. Love yourself~ love others . Remember the golden rule to be a have a friend ~you must be one first…be true yourself & you will never disappoint the person who matters most. 

The Journey Begins

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Hello There! My Name is Jennifer Marie Hollon! I am a successful wife, mother to three beautiful young women, and Nana to 6 wonderful grandbabies. I am a fun loving, energetic person that truly loves everything and everyone! I am very passionate about my family, fashion, health beauty and Oh My SHOES!!! I enjoy life to the fullest after successfully raising my 3 wonderful girls, going to college, and having multiple amazing careers! I have experienced so many wonderful and not so wonderful things in my first half journey. I believe that just like the Barbie we all played with as little girls dreaming of becoming doctors, lawyers( that was my dream), moms, wifes and more, there is a certain magic of that simiplicity and thought at such a young pure age that we could become anything and do anything we dreamed of.  I believe as women we should go back to that time and embrace that magic again in our womanhood and take back the power from within. I believed in it so much that it inspired me to write and share all my experiences good or bad with whoever wanted to read it. I want to help give insight and power back to women and leave a legacy for my daughers and granddaugher.

Now it is pasted the half time and ready kick off of my second half!

I am so excited and thrilled about this portion of my journey. I have so many new outlooks on life because of my experiences, trials, failures and successes and I can not wait to share them with each and everyone of you. I hope you all become loyal readers and engage with me to inspire and empower women,as this has been a life long passion for me to share my thoughts on all topics related to women. Warning it may not be perfect but I promise you this it will be real, honest, fulfilling and have plenty of helpful information. I hope that each of you will find your inner barbie and take the world by storm with confidence, head held high and the perfect shoes on your feet! Happy Reading! God Bless!

 

 

 

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